It's Gotta Be Love

I am going to warn you right off that you may not want to read this post if you don't particulary care for, what I call, "potty talk". This is one of my more favorite subjects because it always makes me laugh. I talk about this often in my real life, so I decided that if I really want to be "real" on my blog, then I need to not be shy and talk about it on my blog. I have talked about it a little bit already on my blog, but not even close to how much I really talk about it. Yes, I am one of those nasty chicks that talk about poop & periods and I don't care who is around to hear it. So, if you don't like it....I'm warning you not to read on cuz you're gonna get a glimpse into my poo life.

This happened on Monday night......Bubba and I were at Borders looking for a book to tell me how to enhance my eBay business, when it hit. It hit hard! Those lovely diarrhea cramps that stop you in your tracks and immediately makes you start to sweat. I looked at Bubba and said "We need to go now before I shit my pants."

Bubba: "Just use their restroom here."

Me: "No, if we leave now I think I'll be able to make it home before I go to war."

Bubba: "Alright."

We start walking to the front of the store and I had to stop...the cramps had me doubled over in pain. In between my deep, long, supposedly relaxing breaths, I say "Never mind. I don't think I can make it....where's the shitter?"

Bubba: "Over there. I'll wait for you here." I go the restroom and its a false alarm. Find Bubba. He says "that didn't take long."

Me: "It was a false alarm. Just farts. I think I can make it til we get home...the farts gave me about 5 min."

We leave the store. We're getting on the on-ramp to the freeway and the cramping takes control over me once again. In my most pitiful voice, I ask, "Will you still love me if I shit my pants?"

Bubba: (Laughing)"You shit your pants before and I'm still here." (this will have to be another post at another time.....but oh my FUNNY!)

Me: "That was a mistake. This time it'll be to relieve pressure."

Needless to say, I made it to the shitter without shitting my pants. I must say that the whole diarrhea experience is my own fault. I have been swiping Vicodin from my sister,Mary<, and it causes constipation. So a few days later.....HOLY MOLY!! Its chocolate Niagra Falls out my butthole!!!