Warning: This Is Gonna Be a Long One
So, this post has been a long time coming. And, I wouldn't be offended if you don't read the dribble that's about to spew. Again, this is my therapy. Maybe things will become more in perspective when I'm done with this. Who knows.....
We moved in with my parents almost a year ago. Initially, it was suppose to be short term until Brad got hired onto a refinery. We would be able to save money, get out of the hole we dug ourselves into and not have to sign another year lease only to move again. My Dad is the primary caregiver for my grandfather (his father). He lives upstairs in a studio apt, he's 88 and is blind. When we were looking for a cheaper place to live (a year ago) my grandad's health started declining and he needed more care than what he was getting. I was at my parents house one particular day when things weren't going so great and I had a very distinct feeling that we needed to move in and help. Family takes care of family after all, right? So, that's how it happened.....now it's been almost a year! In the past year I've seen my vibrant, healthy grandad turn into the stereotypical old man. He has literally aged right before my very eyes. I'm not talking a little bit, I'm talking a lot a bit. My Grandad has hallucinations usually brought on by some sort of infection...usually a UTI. He has had multiple "mini strokes"...these scare the bejeezus outta me. The first time it happened, my Dad came running down the stairs yelling my name. He said " I think my Dad is dead." I'll never forget the look on his face. He was unresponsive with blood coming out of his mouth, groaning. Ever since then I know that some day I will literally find my Grandfather dead. Not the last memory I would like to have of him, but whatever. It is what it is.
Since that first mini stroke, we now have hospice come 2-3 days a week. Which is good and bad. Good for my Grandad and our peace of mind, but bad because myself or my Dad has to be home 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. This is more of a pain in the ass than you could imagine. Literally 24/7....no exceptions. That means no more morning walks/runs, play dates, park etc. My dad goes to school in the morning Mon-Thurs, so I'm home in the mornings. My Dad gets everything else. On occasion I'll Grandad-sit for the day so my Dad can do whatever. So, here's my schedule for now during the week.....Mon & Wed I get Grandad til1:15 when my Dad comes home. As soon as he gets home Grady and I go to work ( I take pics of foreclosed homes in the ghetto for banks). We have to be done by 4pm so I can take Grady to my in-laws house so they can watch him while I go to school from 5-10pm. Doesn't that sound awesome? Tuesday & Thurs we are "jailed" til 1:15 again and whenever my Dad comes home I try to leave and take Grady to the park or do errands and occasionally I have to study(blah!). Then I go to school from 5-8. My parents watch G man these nights. Friday I try not to have "work" so I can do something fun with my little nugget. Usually we go to Disneyland or play with "tids" (kids). Whatever it is it has nothing with me going to school or taking care of my Grandad.
I realize that this sounds like a major bitch fest....& maybe it is, but that's not what I intended. When my Grandad isn't sick or hallucinating it's really no big deal. I go upstairs a few times to check him, "toilet" him, chat with him and feed him. When he's not doing good I'm literally going upstairs every 20-30mins. I joke and say I have two toddlers....one two year old and an 88 year old. It is NO fun! When he hallucinates it's always interesting to hear what he's seeing or what he thinks he's doing. I cant help but laugh and play along otherwise I would go outta my mind.
During the past year I have gotten to know my Grandad better. Growing up I never thought he liked kids. Turns out I was kinda right....he tolerates them. He enjoys little girls a hell of a lot better than little boys, so I was a little concerned how he would tolerate my full of energy little nugget. Turns out he really likes Grady. Watching my Grandad with Grady reminds me of the Grandad I had when I was little. He will play his ukulele and sing songs for him when he's doing well. It seriously brought tears to my eyes the first time he did this for Grady. Grady absolutely loves it. He'll sit there and watch him sing and then claps when he's all done. It's priceless. Grady loves going up in the morning to say hi....probably because my Grandad insists that I give him a cookie every time. There are also times when Grady is crazy and my Grandad asks me to leave and to just come up when his meal arrives.
My Dad doesn't deal well when my Grandad isn't doing well. I always saw my Dad as able to deal with anything. Not so. The first time my Dad asked me to meet him at the doctor's office for my Grandad, my Dad left the room as soon as I got there! It was crazy! He literally couldn't handle it. I think that even though my Dad and his Dad have always had a strained relationship it's still too much for my Dad to watch his father dying. I get that, but it's still weird. I shouldn't be too surprised because when Mary had cancer he didn't go to any doctor appointments, chemotherapy...nothing. He went to the hospital a few times when she was there but I think it was a just too much for him to handle. It's hard to describe what happens to my Dad when things get to be too much, but it's not good to watch. Sometimes I wonder if my Grandad is gonna outlive my Dad because of all the stress. But then I push that out of my mind as quickly as it comes into my mind.
Sometimes I wonder if this is why we were suppose to move back to So. Cal. Not because of a job like we thought. But, so we could help my Dad out with my Grandad. I'm hoping Grady won't be to scarred from it all. If anything, I hope we are setting a good example of how families take care of each other. I love watching the bond he has with my Dad and my Grandad. He loves all his Grandpas. I always had great relationships with my grandparents and I hope Grady will continue thinking that all of his grandparents are better than chocolate.....cuz the boy loves him some chocolate!
See.....told ya it was gonna be a long one!
We moved in with my parents almost a year ago. Initially, it was suppose to be short term until Brad got hired onto a refinery. We would be able to save money, get out of the hole we dug ourselves into and not have to sign another year lease only to move again. My Dad is the primary caregiver for my grandfather (his father). He lives upstairs in a studio apt, he's 88 and is blind. When we were looking for a cheaper place to live (a year ago) my grandad's health started declining and he needed more care than what he was getting. I was at my parents house one particular day when things weren't going so great and I had a very distinct feeling that we needed to move in and help. Family takes care of family after all, right? So, that's how it happened.....now it's been almost a year! In the past year I've seen my vibrant, healthy grandad turn into the stereotypical old man. He has literally aged right before my very eyes. I'm not talking a little bit, I'm talking a lot a bit. My Grandad has hallucinations usually brought on by some sort of infection...usually a UTI. He has had multiple "mini strokes"...these scare the bejeezus outta me. The first time it happened, my Dad came running down the stairs yelling my name. He said " I think my Dad is dead." I'll never forget the look on his face. He was unresponsive with blood coming out of his mouth, groaning. Ever since then I know that some day I will literally find my Grandfather dead. Not the last memory I would like to have of him, but whatever. It is what it is.
Since that first mini stroke, we now have hospice come 2-3 days a week. Which is good and bad. Good for my Grandad and our peace of mind, but bad because myself or my Dad has to be home 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. This is more of a pain in the ass than you could imagine. Literally 24/7....no exceptions. That means no more morning walks/runs, play dates, park etc. My dad goes to school in the morning Mon-Thurs, so I'm home in the mornings. My Dad gets everything else. On occasion I'll Grandad-sit for the day so my Dad can do whatever. So, here's my schedule for now during the week.....Mon & Wed I get Grandad til1:15 when my Dad comes home. As soon as he gets home Grady and I go to work ( I take pics of foreclosed homes in the ghetto for banks). We have to be done by 4pm so I can take Grady to my in-laws house so they can watch him while I go to school from 5-10pm. Doesn't that sound awesome? Tuesday & Thurs we are "jailed" til 1:15 again and whenever my Dad comes home I try to leave and take Grady to the park or do errands and occasionally I have to study(blah!). Then I go to school from 5-8. My parents watch G man these nights. Friday I try not to have "work" so I can do something fun with my little nugget. Usually we go to Disneyland or play with "tids" (kids). Whatever it is it has nothing with me going to school or taking care of my Grandad.
I realize that this sounds like a major bitch fest....& maybe it is, but that's not what I intended. When my Grandad isn't sick or hallucinating it's really no big deal. I go upstairs a few times to check him, "toilet" him, chat with him and feed him. When he's not doing good I'm literally going upstairs every 20-30mins. I joke and say I have two toddlers....one two year old and an 88 year old. It is NO fun! When he hallucinates it's always interesting to hear what he's seeing or what he thinks he's doing. I cant help but laugh and play along otherwise I would go outta my mind.
During the past year I have gotten to know my Grandad better. Growing up I never thought he liked kids. Turns out I was kinda right....he tolerates them. He enjoys little girls a hell of a lot better than little boys, so I was a little concerned how he would tolerate my full of energy little nugget. Turns out he really likes Grady. Watching my Grandad with Grady reminds me of the Grandad I had when I was little. He will play his ukulele and sing songs for him when he's doing well. It seriously brought tears to my eyes the first time he did this for Grady. Grady absolutely loves it. He'll sit there and watch him sing and then claps when he's all done. It's priceless. Grady loves going up in the morning to say hi....probably because my Grandad insists that I give him a cookie every time. There are also times when Grady is crazy and my Grandad asks me to leave and to just come up when his meal arrives.
My Dad doesn't deal well when my Grandad isn't doing well. I always saw my Dad as able to deal with anything. Not so. The first time my Dad asked me to meet him at the doctor's office for my Grandad, my Dad left the room as soon as I got there! It was crazy! He literally couldn't handle it. I think that even though my Dad and his Dad have always had a strained relationship it's still too much for my Dad to watch his father dying. I get that, but it's still weird. I shouldn't be too surprised because when Mary had cancer he didn't go to any doctor appointments, chemotherapy...nothing. He went to the hospital a few times when she was there but I think it was a just too much for him to handle. It's hard to describe what happens to my Dad when things get to be too much, but it's not good to watch. Sometimes I wonder if my Grandad is gonna outlive my Dad because of all the stress. But then I push that out of my mind as quickly as it comes into my mind.
Sometimes I wonder if this is why we were suppose to move back to So. Cal. Not because of a job like we thought. But, so we could help my Dad out with my Grandad. I'm hoping Grady won't be to scarred from it all. If anything, I hope we are setting a good example of how families take care of each other. I love watching the bond he has with my Dad and my Grandad. He loves all his Grandpas. I always had great relationships with my grandparents and I hope Grady will continue thinking that all of his grandparents are better than chocolate.....cuz the boy loves him some chocolate!
See.....told ya it was gonna be a long one!
posted @3:13 PM
2 Comments:
I love reading the dribble that spews from your fingertips. Blog therapy is great therapy and at least it's free!
Just when you think life can't get any harder, it does. You are tough and you take care of a lot and deal with a lot. You are the glue that keeps so much stuff together. Love you!
When it comes to bitch fest I have to tell ya, that was weak sauce! Taking care of an elderly family member is MORE than a full time job. If this was the reason you guys were supposed to move South then I guess I have to be okay with it. You are securing your place in heaven my friend. Most definitely.
And not that I know anything (because I make it up as I go along), but I think Grady will be just fine. Disneyland every Friday night? How awesome is that!?!
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