Still Hanging On.....Barely

My Grandad is still hanging onto this life.....barely. The last few days have been an absolute "trip" to say the least. I wasn't prepared. I don't know how anyone can be if you've never literally watched someone die before. It's not like the movies. It is u.g.l.y.!! I've had a few breakdowns....again not easy. The last one was this morning when I went to check on my Grandad and the "death rattle" is oh so prevalent, his breathing so very labored and shallow....and his eyes....are completely sunken into his skull. It's crazy. I wasn't prepared for that this morning. Last night when I checked on him, after I got home from school, he was nice and peaceful. I thought I'd find him like that again. Nope. He is 100% unresponsive now and has a high fever. He chose the long, drawn out way to pass to the other life. Hopefully, he isn't suffering. I don't think he is...with all that morphine and ativan they are giving him. Hopefully, he doesn't feel the fight that his body is putting up. Hopefully, he's having a heck of a good dream and doesn't realize what's up. Hopefully, he knows how much he is loved and how much he will be missed. I didn't realize it would be this difficult.